Honesty, damn sometimes its so hard. Phew, I have not been honest with so many people about being stuck. Sometimes its just difficult to tell people what a hard time we are having. Sometimes there is shame and stigma attached to it. I have been sporting a super fake smile and holding back my tears for months now. Feeling the shame of whatever has come over me has stopped me from being honest with my friends and loved ones.
So here is the deal...in September, my last post, I felt it come on fast and strong. I vowed i was going to get it under control. Urghhh....no such luck. I have been trying believe me. The days I am not working i crawl back into bed. Also, have not had a good nights sleep since probably August. Feeling sorry for oneself is so useless, yet nearly impossible, at times, to "snap out of it!" Oh yeah, don't you love that phrase? Ha, I have to laugh each and every time someone says that.
Most mornings, which are the absolute worst by the way, I would desperately try to sleep, but to no avail. Instead, just sadness, and bad memories of my past flooded my mind.
This A.M. I cried. I did not stop myself this time. I just did. For hours. on and off for almost 6. It is very important for me to be strong for others but damn did I need that cry. I was scared because I knew it would not stop. I have discussed it in the past w/ a therapist friend, who when her divorce was final, she would drop her kids off on the weekends. Once back home she would grab a box of tissues and cry throughout the whole weekend. This was years ago, but her idea always stuck with me.She did it for almost four months, and have not done that she does not know how she would have gotten through.
As, i still need to get back on track with a self care routine, I am going to try this for a couple weeks.
So, with a very deep breath, I will get on with my day, and my couple mornings a week i will cry the sadness away. If anyone reads this, have me in your prayers and wish me luck!
Thanks,
and P.S. I plan on reluctantly coming clean about, "Being Stuck," Again!
So here is the deal...in September, my last post, I felt it come on fast and strong. I vowed i was going to get it under control. Urghhh....no such luck. I have been trying believe me. The days I am not working i crawl back into bed. Also, have not had a good nights sleep since probably August. Feeling sorry for oneself is so useless, yet nearly impossible, at times, to "snap out of it!" Oh yeah, don't you love that phrase? Ha, I have to laugh each and every time someone says that.
Most mornings, which are the absolute worst by the way, I would desperately try to sleep, but to no avail. Instead, just sadness, and bad memories of my past flooded my mind.
This A.M. I cried. I did not stop myself this time. I just did. For hours. on and off for almost 6. It is very important for me to be strong for others but damn did I need that cry. I was scared because I knew it would not stop. I have discussed it in the past w/ a therapist friend, who when her divorce was final, she would drop her kids off on the weekends. Once back home she would grab a box of tissues and cry throughout the whole weekend. This was years ago, but her idea always stuck with me.She did it for almost four months, and have not done that she does not know how she would have gotten through.
As, i still need to get back on track with a self care routine, I am going to try this for a couple weeks.
So, with a very deep breath, I will get on with my day, and my couple mornings a week i will cry the sadness away. If anyone reads this, have me in your prayers and wish me luck!
Thanks,
and P.S. I plan on reluctantly coming clean about, "Being Stuck," Again!
